An Open Letter To My Husband On Our Tenth Wedding Anniversary
Ten years ago today, you and I became husband and wife. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. It was a cold morning in late November when we took the bus from our Brooklyn apartment to City Hall in Manhattan to wed. We were nervous, excited and full of love. You were 22 and I was 27. We didn’t know a lot back then but we knew that our love was special and that we belonged together. Many thought us foolish for taking such a big leap of faith so young and after only a year together. Many asked us “Don’t you want a big “real” wedding? Isn’t it too soon to make such a big commitment?” With a deep knowing and a dash of collective stubbornness, we’d smile, laugh and say “Well, why the hell not?” Now, ten years later, I can say that going to City Hall with you that morning was the best decision I have ever made. Marrying you was the best leap of faith of my life.
In the last ten years we have challenged, tested, pushed, pulled, fought, raged and cried together. We have struggled. We have pushed each other to the limit and continued to ask for more. We have taken each other outside of our comfort zones, kicking and screaming. We have triggered each other in ways that brought us to our knees. We have tested boundaries only to test them again and again. We have chosen our own selfish needs and wants over the other’s. We have fought for our independence and freedom while trying to remain a team. We have navigated careers and our own personal growth while trying to evolve as a couple. We have let our insecurities and fears influence our choices and behaviors. We have failed each other again and again.
In the last ten years we have also inspired, loved, laughed, encouraged, supported, surrendered, created and grown together. We have loved. We have patiently waited as we discovered who we are as individuals and the work we each want to do in the world. We have soothed, supported and held each other's hands through the scary unpredictability of life. We have listened when we didn’t want to. We have moved through grief and loss together. We have waited when we were impatient. We have trusted when consumed with doubt. We have changed even when it was uncomfortable. We have taken risks. We have forgiven. We have shined light on the darker parts of ourselves. We have surrendered old behaviors, wounds and stories. We have learned how to bend without breaking our own sense of self. We have encouraged each other to keep reaching and chasing after our dreams. We have said yes to adventures that weren’t our own so we could watch the other shine. We have created, birthed and worked hard to raise two beautiful, kind, empowered children. We have chosen each other again and again.
What I know for sure after ten years of being married is that it sure isn’t perfect, it requires effort and awareness and is navigated by CHOICE. It is a choice that you make every day and then that every day becomes 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, a lifetime. It is a choice of choosing to return to each other again and again even when times are hard; especially when times are hard. It can be a choice of focusing on the dark or the light. A choice of seeing the good or the bad. A choice of being stuck with the need to be right or of being heard. A choice of acting from love or fear. A choice of hearing what you want to hear or the actual real vulnerable truth. A choice of giving your partner what they need or what you think they need. A choice of resenting or forgiving. A choice of giving or receiving. A choice of trusting or resisting. A choice of letting go or holding on.
Experience and time are our wise friends. I see us learning how to choose better every day; for ourselves and our marriage. Even on the days we still get it “wrong”, we continue to become curious and committed to trying better next time (because there will always be a next time)! For that I am inspired and proud.
You have been a great teacher and inspiration to me. I probably don’t tell you that enough but it is true. Your strong sense of self, spirit for adventure, ability to take risks, fun loving spirit and relaxed nature inspire me daily. You remind me to not sweat the small stuff, follow my heart, take risks and say yes to adventure!!! I understand why God placed you in my path and why he chose the timing that he did. Living literally a world apart, I think often of all of the moments that had to align for us to meet and all the challenges we had to go through to test our love and commitment. I am grateful for the last ten years and for every day after that I get to spend with you.
So today, with family and friends and our two precious babies, we will honor ten years of CHOOSING each other with the wedding celebration we never had! We will join together to reclaim our commitment to choosing each other and to celebrate ten years of love, growth and hard work!
A lot of people have been asking us why we waited ten years to finally have a “big REAL wedding.”
And to that we say….
“Well, why the hell not?”
I love you. I choose you.